Reassurance
by Lulubird
Summary: Keeton and Lily keep losing the ones the love. Will they find strength in each other?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Off the Map attempt. It is set in the few weeks following episode 13, assuming certain events which I think will be guessable. Enjoy**.

KEETON

Taking the steps two at a time I heard the familiar sounds of panicked voices coming from within the clinic. I strode into the ward and immediately zoned in on a bed against the far wall. Mina was attempting to restrain a local youth, who seemed determined to be off the bed and away from her.

¨No no! No lo quiero!¨he was shouting, shoving her hands away from him.

¨Es medecina,¨ she explained, sounding frustrated and short tempered as usual. "It will help you, make you better."

The expression on the kids face showed he clearly didn't understand her. "No, tengo que ir a casa. Mi madre-"

"Will be very upset if you die!" shouted Mina, cutting the kid short. He looked startled as she raised her voice but he stopped wriggling temporarily.

Feeling the shadow of a smile for the first time in days I strode over to them.

"What's the problem Minard?"

She turned to look at me, not quite managing to hide her shock at seeing me.

"Umm...I'm trying to give him a tetanus injection, but he just keeps freaking out every time I get close enough. I nearly stabbed him with the damn thing before!"

I gave the kid a reassuring look and explained in rapid Spanish what 'la doctora' was trying to do. His eyes widened as he listened to me. He glanced at Mina suspiciously.

"Esta bien?"

He nodded in response so I turned to Mina. She gave me a sheepish look.

"I think he might let you now that he knows you're not trying to drug him."

"That's what he thought? Sheez, this is a hospital, is it so unusual to be giving people medicine?" she muttered, grumpily readying the needle.

I left her to it, feeling slightly sorry for the poor kid at her mercy. Running my eyes over the clinic I made my way into the office. Zee was sitting at the desk, examining something in the microscope.

"Anything good?" I asked her, leaning against the bookcase.

Her head shot up and she spun in her chair to look at me.

"Ben? What are you doing here? I told you-"

"To sit at home and be bored for a week?"

She frowned at me. "No, I told you to take some time off. You can't expect to just jump back in after..." she trailed off. Neither of us needed her to say the words. Her eyes began to glisten with tears. Clearing my throat I moved towards the door.

"Ben."

"I don't need time alright! I can deal with it. I have dealt with it."

Angrily I crossed my arms, though I realised I sounded more like a stubborn child than anything. Zee gazed at me for a few seconds. I wanted to squirm under her scrutiny but forced myself to return her gaze, cool and even.

"Fine," she sighed, clearly deciding it was a losing battle. "Mina's swamped in there and we've got a full waiting room."

"Great," I said, eager to do something to distract myself. "Where are the others?"

Zee sighed. "Cole took the other two and Charlie up into the hills. A jeep full of tourists rolled."

"Right...wait, what? Other two? Both of them?"

Zee made an indignant noise. "Yes it seems no one is willing to take my orders round here."

"How long has Brenner been back?"

"She wasn't ever away."

"But-" I began.

"You are in no position to argue on that one Mister!" she flared. I held my hands up in defence and hurriedly backed out of the room. I knew by now to disappear whenever I heard that tone.

As I headed back across the clinic the truck raced up out the front, raising a cloud of dust as it skidded to a halt. I ran down the steps towards them.

"What have you got?" I called to Cole. He didn't even look surprised to see me.

"Two passengers with minor injuries. Male driver with internal injuries and head trauma," he called back as he unloaded the patient. A middle aged woman and a teenage boy were sitting in the back. They both held gauze to bleeding head wounds and were staring straight ahead in shock.

"We got this one," said Cole to me as he and Fuller rushed the driver inside.

"Are you sure?" I shouted at their retreating backs, taking a few desperate steps back towards the clinic. When I turned back to the truck Brenner and Charlie were helping the other two patients out. They began to follow the others inside, Charlie leading them. As they passed Brenner looked back at me. Our gaze connected and briefly in her eyes I saw my own pain and despair reflected before she blinked, recovering her blank expression. I stared after her for a few seconds. I knew that expression well. It was what people wore when they were trying to hide torment ripping up their heart. Usually they were trying to hide it from themselves just as much as the outside world. It never worked for long, sooner or later the mask always came crashing down, usually bringing everything else crashing down too. Though as the current state of play was, and as Zee had pointed out, I was in absolutely no position to judge. I certainly was being far from honest with my emotions.

I couldn't deal with that yet though. The clinic still needed to be run. I had been gone for only two days and already I felt like jumping out of my skin.

Glancing around I realised I had been left standing alone, lost deep in my thoughts. Sighing, I mentally pushed everything to the back of my mind, and my heart, and headed back inside.

"Minard where are you up to?" I demanded as I entered the ward.

BRENNER

It had been a long day. Earlier I had been helping Mina in the clinic with the various bumps, bruises and maladies that walked through the door but then the call had come through and I had found myself rushing into the jungle with Tommy, Cole and Charlie. It was always a nerve-racking experience going on 'field trips', as Mina called them. We never knew what sort of catastrophe or danger would await us at the other end. Todays hadn't been too bad though; a small car crash with only three people. Something we could easily deal with.

The surgery on the driver though had taken several hours. By the time Cole and I were finished it was almost dark and the clinic was reasonably empty. As we finished up my mind wandered to my encounter with Keeton as we had arrived back at the clinic. When he had looked at me I had felt like breaking down. It wasn't as if that was a new sensation these days but this was different. The other times when I had nearly lost it were purely me. Either I gave myself the terrible luxury of remembering something- a smile, a moment of pure, unselfish happiness, the feel of light fingers running up my spine- or I was overwhelmed by the sympathy and pity of everyone else. It was the pity that was the worst. I couldn't stand the pity. But no, this was different, because when I had locked eyes with Keeton I could see the raw pain inside. He hid it behind a business-like, almost gruff manner but it was very much there. Inside there was a man who wanted to sob and scream and curse the heavens for taking away two women he loved.

"Just finish up and check on the patient when he wakes up ok?" Cole called as he pushed through the door, heading for the office. I was rudely startled from my deep thoughts. Quickly I refocused on what I was doing. I felt Cole's eyes on my back as he stood in the doorway. I looked up at him and gave him my most reassuring smile before turning back to my task. I held my breath as I waited to hear the sound of the door closing behind him.

When I had finished I took of my scrubs and headed into the ward. The patient wasn't awake yet so I busied myself for twenty minutes with checking IVs and tidying up. It was eerily quiet in the clinic tonight. The darkness had removed the chaotic chatter of the day. The only patients that were left were the driver and an older woman across the ward who had come in with broken ribs. The only sounds were the steady beep of machines, the gentle rustle of leaves outside and the occasional scurrying noise of an animal in the undergrowth. Leaning in the doorway I gazed at the patterns the moonlight made on the veranda, dappled by the swaying treetops. Usually I enjoyed these quiet, tranquil moments. They were calming and excellent for reflection. Lately however I had been fighting against moments of stillness. Whenever I allowed my brain to stop its constant babble of thoughts about work and the others, images I did not want to see crept their way in. Images of buildings burning against the night, of stricken huddles, their silhouettes lit by the firelight, of bodies lying on the ground, bleeding, calling my name.

Involuntarily I shivered as I felt my thoughts heading to a dark place. Just in time I heard a noise behind me in the ward. Heading over to the patient's bed I saw that he was stirring. Fuzzily he looked up at me, squinting.

Patiently I explained where he was and what had happened. When his hands began to shake slightly I took them and gave him a smile. Eventually he drifted back to sleep.

Sighing I got up and turned towards the door. Glancing up I stopped dead when I saw Keeton's figure leaning in the doorway. His eyes were staring at me critically. Something inside me squirmed under his gaze. I was too aware that he knew what I was hiding.

I cleared my throat slightly and edged towards the door. "I've just finished with the patient. I um..."I trailed off into silence. He was still staring at me.

Desperately I wanted to just get out the door without any confrontation. I didn't think he was the type to have a heart-to-heart but with the way he was looking at me right now, well, perhaps anything was possible.

Silently I moved to the door and paused, waiting for him to move out of the way. I was extremely conscious of his eyes on me but I refused to look up, to meet his gaze. We stood there, my eyes on the ground, his eyes on me, for what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few seconds. Eventually he shifted slightly to the side and gratefully I escaped past him onto the veranda. I only got a few steps when I heard his voice, a stricken whisper.

"Lily."

Slowly, reluctantly, I turned. His body language hadn't changed, he still stood with his arms crossed defensively, but his eyes were almost pleading. He didn't say anything else and we stood looking directly at each other for a few moments. It felt as if neither of us dared to even breathe and the silence and emptiness of the night was pressing in on us. Finally his eyes dropped and the connection was broken.

I spun around and walked away into the night.

KEETON

She turned and walked away without a hesitation or glance back. Reluctantly I watched her figure disappear into the night. The silence of the darkness pressed in on me and I felt a silent scream of agony and frustration build within me. Gritting my teeth I forced it back down. I wanted to run after her but I didn't know why. Long after she had disappeared from sight I stood in the doorway of the clinic, staring into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: There has been an amendment to the very ending of the last chapter. I just decided the original ending didn't sit very well. Also sorry (to anyone out there who is actually still reading) but chapters are probably going to be significantly shorter (below is example A) from now on. In writing shorter chapters I'm hoping I can update for frequently. Also the chapters are going to be more flashes of moments between Keeton and Lily as opposed to a continuous story. **

**Anyway, if you got through all that. Hope you enjoy. x**

KEETON

Once again the first thing I heard as I walked into the clinic was angry shouting from the front steps. A woman's stricken voice was wailing in Spanish,

"Por favor! Salvarlo! Salvarlo!"

_Please. __Save him. Save him._

After all these years that tone was familiar enough to me. I rolled up my sleeves and grabbed a pair of gloves from the ward as I strode into the commotion.

"What have you got Cole?"

He called the vitals to me over his shoulder as I followed the gurney into the OR. I pushed through the doors behind them and quickly prepped alongside Fuller. Just as I was done, and heading over to the patient where Cole was already prepping for the open, Brenner emerged through the doors, already gloved and masked.

"Where do you need me?" she asked Cole, acutely ignoring me.

"Here, hold this bleeder."

I glanced at the young man's face as I walked up to the body. He was a local. Couldn't have been more than twenty.

"Gunshot went straight into his left lung," Cole told me as we began work. "Another one in the lower abdomen."

"A gunshot?" I heard faintly over the clatter of surgery. I glanced up to see Brenner staring at the man's face, one hand still in his wound, but otherwise perfectly still.

"Fuller take over," I nodded Tommy in her direction and caught Cole's eye as I turned back to the wound in front of me.

I saw Fuller move out of the corner of my eye.

"No. No it's fine. Fine. I've got it," Brenner said, jumping back into action and blocking him. He leaned in close.

"Are you sure? It's okay," I heard him mutter in a low voice.

"It's fine," she replied stiffly. Resolutely she busied herself with the patients injury, firmly avoiding my gaze.


	3. Chapter 3

LILY

The sunset really was very beautiful. We said it all the time, how beautiful it could be here, but I think mostly they were just words. We said it because it was just what people said, it was expected. But really it was true- more than true. This place was...breathtaking. Sometimes. Looking away from the cliff-top ocean view back into the rustling vegetation of the jungle I felt the ever present darkness that accompanied the beauty. The stunning views, sunsets, waterfalls and flora, they all had their darker cousins. The ocean rips, the diseases, the dangerous animals and poisonous plants. The people. Perhaps as usual that was the most dangerous thing of all. After all, everything else here had been perfectly balanced, perfectly happy until people and progress trampled all over it.

I was on a bit of an anti-people vendetta at the moment. I tried not to, but lately all I could see was the evil and selfishness and corruptness of everyone.

In truth I had become a bit of a hermit these past few weeks. At work I only communicated the minimum to help the patients and complete a surgery. At home Mina and Tommy had learnt to just leave me alone. I used that old cliché, 'I just need some space'. It was really just cowardice disguised as grief. I was too chicken to deal with people at the moment.

The only one who I seemed completely unable to avoid was Keeton. He was just always _there_. It seemed no matter how hard I worked to simply focus on what needed doing at work and then just disappear, he was always annoyingly there, watching me with serious eyes. It made me feel uncomfortable.

It had taken me a few days to work out why it bothered me so much. Then it had clicked. I detested the understanding in his gaze. Everyone else just avoided me, which suited me fine. It was clear that they felt awkward around me, that they didn't know what to say. I had been in that situation enough times with my own friends back home; I knew how it could be. When someone...loses someone, what can you say to make it better? Somehow everything you try to comfort them with just comes out sounding trivial and meaningless. So you stop saying anything.

That suited me just fine.

But Keeton didn't give me that courtesy because right now he did understand. He understood all too well. The trouble was I don't think I actually wanted someone to understand yet. Some part of me really wanted to indulge in this self-pitying rage against the world.

That was how I had come to find myself once again standing on this cliff-top gazing out across the ocean.

_Escape_.

My clothes were wet from where the dripping leaves of the jungle had slapped me as I ran through the undergrowth. I had been careless as I ran, so there were a few scratches on my bare legs and a dirty graze down my right shin where I had fallen over an ill-placed tree root.

I didn't care.

There was so much freedom up here; light and weightlessness. Everything just disappeared into the sparkling turquoise of the ocean and the gentle, blue-white of the sky. It would be easy to believe you could fly from a place like this. Just lift off from the rocks below and soar up into the nothing above. And keep going.


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you think they can hear us?" asked the young boy in heavily accented English. He looked up at Lily from the fresh grave he was kneeling in front of. A small scattering of flowers surrounded the boy, who was only seven or eight. Tear tracks glistened from his large liquid brown eyes down his cheeks.

Slowly Lily knelt beside him, gently moving a flower upright against the stone.

"I think that as long as you remember them, and you love them, they can hear you wherever you or they go."

The boy observed her with a sad expression. He looked back at the stone and tenderly ran his fingers over the grooves that marked the final resting place of his big sister.

"Camilo!" called an elderly woman from a distance. The boy reluctantly turned his head towards the sound.

"Don't worry," said Lily gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You can come back and visit her here any time you want. And when you're not here, all you need to do is think of her and you can feel like she is right beside you. Trust me."

He smiled tearfully at her before jumping up and running back to his grandmother.


	5. Chapter 5

The surgery was in darkness except for one dim lamp in the office. Cole had left the surgery last, looking into the room and shaking his head at the familiar sight. Keeton was unaware that he had been observed in his misery. He sat slumped in the chair, gazing out the window at the darkness. The almost empty bottle of drink sat precariously on his lap. There was no glass.

He wasn't crying but in the light from the lamp his eyes appeared to glisten.

Clumsily he lifted the bottle to his lips and drained it, wincing as he swallowed the harsh liquor down. He whipped his lips on his sleeve and carelessly tossed the bottle towards the bin in the corner. He missed completely and the bottle made a loud clink as it hit the wall and rolled away under the desk.

Keeton gave a short burst of laughter which quickly died into a fierce scowl. Mumbling to himself he hauled himself from the chair and staggered over to the other side of the desk. He bent down to pick up the bottle, steadying himself with a hand on the wall.

Dragging his hand along the wall for support he stumbled towards the window. Heavily he lent on the sill and gratefully inhaled the cool evening air, closing his eyes as he welcomed the familiar scent of the garden.

When he opened his eyes again he saw movement in the darkness. A small figure was weaving their way passed the surgery, towards the cabins. He didn't know where she was coming from or why she was out so late. He wondered if it was for the same reason as him.

Feeling dizzy he lent more heavily on the windowsill, his knees giving way beneath him till he was nearly resting his head on his arms. He continued to watch her as she walked passed, holding out her hands to brush against the leaves on either side. As she did so a scarlet flower fell from her hold and lay on the ground, its bold petals shining brightly against the bleached colours of night.

After she had disappeared down the path Keeton slowly pulled himself through the surgery and outside. With difficulty he bent down and picked up the delicate little flower, careful not to crush its fragile petals with his grip. The delicacy, vibrancy and beauty of the tiny little bud made painful memories and emotions break through the haze of alcohol in his brain. He stood in the deserted garden and stared sadly at the flower in his hand.


End file.
